Living in Gratitude

On Thursday evening, September 24, at about 7:40 PM, my cell phone rang. As soon as I heard my brother's voice, I knew what the call was about. Through choked tears he said, "Dad just passed away." Several of our family members from North Carolina were able to make the trip to Texas and there we joined with other family and friends. We reminisced with laughter and tears about his life and his remarkably engaging presence in our midst. Monday morning, on a cool, windy West Texas day, we placed him beside my mother who had died 13 years before.

We started the return trip home only to receive a phone call from our oldest son saying that his newly born son, Zac, was back in the hospital for a second time and that the situation was looking grim. Though it was painful, our family could understand bearing my father, who was 88 years of age, to his grave. To even consider the possibility of our son and his family having to bear their child to his grave was more than we could even fathom. We continued to drive the distance toward the airport, trying to decide if we should come home or head to San Diego. The drive took several hours and our son called again to say that there was slight improvement. The shorter form of this account is that our grandson did improve steadily, has now returned home from the hospital, and is doing much better.

It was a difficult week. But everyone has difficult weeks. Suffering is our lot in life. We had a close call with our grandson. Others have had the close call and it ended in deep and abiding pain. Couple all of what we face with what we see in the world around us on most days and it would be easy to turn cynical, embittered, pessimistic, and defeated.

But we must not. When I am hurting, usually it is for a season. Perhaps the wound is so deep that I will carry the scar forever. In those moments, I may forget that most days life is good, there is purpose and meaning, I am loved, and I, in turn, can love someone else. As I age, I realize more and more that attitude is preeminent in how we face life. If we want to turn as described above, there will be many opportunities to motivate us in that direction. But if in the darkness, we can still find that for which to be grateful, perhaps we have a chance.

For our family, there has been an outpouring of support and encouragement. Today, I still feel the heaviness of sad grief. Tomorrow, maybe it will be a little better. Regardless...I am grateful.

A Gift in the Valley

The words of the Psalmist are printed indelibly upon the hearts of most of us, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for (the Lord) is with me." We inevitably walk toward the valley, sometimes accompanying another as far as we can go, and then eventually moving toward that space ourselves.

Funerals or memorial services afford opportunity to remember the deceased with dignity and gratitude provided they are not led by an egomaniac who has a perverse need to give an altar call. A good number of us remained close to the valley recently as we grieved the loss and celebrated the life of Kathy Holland. Kathy moved into the valley on August 22 and our time since then has been one of remembrance. We remember when she and her husband Matt and daughters Sophie and Emma came into our faith community six years ago. The church has not been the same since and that has been for the good. Her remarkable sense of humor, leadership skills, interest in and love for young people, desire for deeper understandings of her faith, and the ability to perform the ministry of encouragement as well as anyone could endeared her to a whole broad section of folk. Her memory carries us still and all that we experienced with her become gifts to us from the valley.

And then comes word last evening that my ailing dad in Fort Worth is being transferred soon from a hospital to a long-term medical care unit. He has lung cancer, a heart that plays tricks on him, fluid collecting on his brain that shortens his memory and an all-around weakening condition. And then those words from my brother who, when he asked the doctor "how long" quoted the answer back to me, "maybe six months." I lost my mother thirteen years ago and my dad lost his wife and best friend. As son Donny has said, "He could never live long enough to get over the grief of losing her." As best medical prognostication can be, the valley is approaching.

I have known this day would come, but it is that time for which one never gets ready. But it has caused me to reflect on numerous occasions of the gifts received from my dad. Although there were many, the one that sits most closely beside me is that I learned about grace from him. He never explained it in theological terms. But he communicated to me verbally and many other ways that he loved me and that nothing in this world could ever possibly tear me away from that love and acceptance. In that grace, he was indeed my cheerleader. And that matchless truth will accompany me, even from the valley.

It is my understanding that the Shinto religion does not have a developed concept of an after-life. Instead, they believe that when a person dies, who they were (essence or emotion) enters their loved ones. When the first person dies, the love they had for another person becomes a part of the second person. What greater gift could we receive from someone we treasure than to know that they enter our lives as they proceed into the valley.

Evangelism

A few weeks ago, I addressed the general subject of missions/evangelism in the Sunday morning worship service. I want to touch on that again and go a bit further. I think the subject is important.

I will concede that some folk understand this as THE most important aspect of one's life in trying to follow Jesus and that it should be a part of every moment of every day. I also recognize that still others have seen the effort and end result of this approach and they have been completely turned off by it all. So the question becomes, given the demonstration of some tactics of evangelism, do we indeed want to consider that we are to evangelize?

The word is defined along the lines of "announcing good news." Another question follows, namely, what is the good news? Answers normally fall along the line of how one is made right with God because of what Jesus has done (death/resurrection) and that if one but trust this Jesus and what is said about how one is made right with God, then one will be "saved" and, when one dies, will go to heaven. This is seen as the impetus of how churches are to grow and expand. Numerous mega-churches will state that their large memberships are due, in the main, because folk took seriously this task of evangelizing.

My concerns about this go to how the "good news" is presented. We all may be familiar with high pressure tactics, arguements against a person's worldview or lifestyle, a questioning of whether one follows true orthodoxy (right thinking) in knowing that one has responded to the call of God, and even an attempt to cause a response with the desired end being that one gives money to a particular institution. I once heard a man speak facetiously of "assault and battery in the name of Jesus" as his understanding of the evangelism he was observing.

Those who participate in this activity often refer to themselves as "soul-winners." Their thought is that by convincing a person to understand certain basics and respond in a particular way, that they will have "led" a person to a relationship with Jesus which then puts them "right" with God. Soul winners have sometimes, with distaste, been referred to as being likened to the old West gunslingers...namely keep notches on their belt for every person they have won. Soul-winners is not a Biblical category, nor can it be developed with Biblical understanding. It is entirely a human construct and can, gradually, become a monument to self-righteousness and ego-expression ("I have won X number of people to Jesus!!!).

Can there be an authentic evangelism or is that an oxymoron? I believe the answer is yes, it can be authentic.

We do not "win" folk for God. If there is any wooing, drawing, or winning, that is done by the Spirit of God, touching and somehow speaking to our very lives and calling us forth into a new dimension. Human beings don't get to classify themselves in that effort, although many try. We can, on the other hand, "bear witness" to our faith and that can have an influence on another person's consideration of spiritual matters. Of course, we have to have some kind of faith, feeble though it may be, to which we bear witness. We are "witnesses" not "soul-winners." The very act itself may be a speaking of and about our faith or it may come as we demonstrate our faith by our works, which may, itself, lead to a conversation.

I fear that what goes under the guise of today's evangelism is nothing more than an effort of recruitment. Get folk like unto or similar to ourselves to come join up with our own local group. We used to sing "Bring them in from the fields of sin." We never did really bring them in. Some, by our very attitude toward them, were kept out. It was as though we created a litmus test that folk must pass before we would ever include them. I can't help but wonder if the understanding of evangelism or "bearing witness" had been more along the lines of reconciliation instead of recruitment, would it have made a difference in how evangelism is viewed and its impact on the larger church? The good news we should be announcing is that God accepts....everyone....regardless. That has more of a ring of authenticity for me and to my ear, it is good news. Anything less than that is bad news. Our efforts are for the pulling down of walls. I think St.Paul said it thusly, "God was, in Christ, reconciling the world..." I don't believe I can improve on that. And you will never convince me that the present effort of recruitment has been reconciling. It has been the cause of building more walls.

As a P.S., let me broaden the subject just a bit to include MISSIONS. For years, churches have sent missionaries to the far hinterlands to "win" people to Jesus. Problem is, we didn't want the "won" to come state-side and join our churches. Some were even blocked at the front door when they tried. We also did not consider that people in other countries are indigenous to that land. They had their own customs and worldviews. We wanted them to change and give up who they were as a people before they could be "won." In truth, it was only an effort to transport an American world-view, tinged with our understanding of democracy, which is not a bad thing. But it was not, and never can be, squared with an invitation to participate in the kingdom of God.

Burn-out

Recently, a regional meeting of battered women’s shelter workers was held in a local church building. They meet periodically, in different settings, for training and companionship which in turn better equips them to do their work in a volatile setting. The staff of My Sister’s House, a local shelter for women and children fleeing abuse and sexual assault, served as hosts for the meeting. The theme for this particular meeting was “Burn-Out.”

Before I proceed, I must say that burn-out is a staggering reality and can cause a severe diminishment of life. I have seen burn-out victims firsthand. It is not a pleasant sight. It can carry with it serious medical and psychological consequences. And it takes hard work, probably in cooperation with trained professionals, to deal with it.

Having said that, I also believe that burn-out has become a kind of buzzword for people suffering from other ailments and what they experience is not anywhere close to what I have observed of someone who is truly “burned out.” This is especially true for the category of human service workers. They invest their lives in the lives of others, sometimes for the good, sometimes not. Their service can be both rewarding and terribly, terribly frustrating. It is not unusual at all to hear human service workers speak of the need to take care of themselves. That idea came into vogue in the past few decades as a result of therapeutic practice. And to be sure, a servant of humankind who does not take care of oneself physically, mentally, and spiritually, is not going to be very effective in the long run. Folk who work long, hard hours for extended periods of time can also be a candidate for burn-out, I guess, but I do not think it is because they have worked too hard. I will explain my reasoning. First, let me try to quantify what may be happening under the heading of “burn-out.”

There is no intriguing way to say it, but for some who claim burn-out, the reality is they are lazy. Sorry to be so harsh, but it is true. I have known too many in my life who make a daily litany of how burned-out they are and how they must take care of themselves. This means the neglect of their appointed services. It means they lose effectiveness as far as interpersonal relationships are concerned. And in the long run, they are just damn boring to be around. These are the ones for whom the statement “GET A LIFE!!!” was invented.

But there is a second group. These are the folk who have legitimate claim to being totally worn out. It is more appropriate to say that they are exhausted. Included in this group are the same human service workers mentioned above, business people, housewives, movers and shakers all around. Their condition may proceed into a diagnosis of burn-out. This is the category that probably catches most of us. Living with stress, a bad medical condition, concerns related to guilt and shame, 18 hour days every day – all become hallmarks of the exhausted one. The antidote to exhaustion may be multi-faceted. It may mean the discipline of taking regular days off, learning stress reduction, using those vacation days, practicing Sabbath. If an antidote is not found and applied, then the result can be devastating. Heart attack, ulcers, abuse of substances, the break-down of relationships: all become familiar companions for the exhausted one.

And then there are those who are really burned-out. It is as though their inner core is charred through and through. Dysfunctional becomes a descriptive term. This condition sometimes must be treated through in-patient hospitalization. This is serious stuff.

What causes it? My answer is simple, but I have sensed it profoundly applied on too many occasions. People become burned-out when they lose their commitment to the task for which they give their life, but still continue giving.

The precipice of burn-out is a good time to consider a career change, the giving up of “get and gain” and becoming a servant, finally saying no to a relationship that is crushing, or engaging those questions that having been hanging hard in one’s heart for way too long.

Church Work

In the context of a local church, there are two major responsibilities that most pastors have to assume. One is church administration. The other is pastoral care. Some pastors enjoy both, even relish the work, while some prefer one over the other and some dislike both. Those of us who are clergy type are trained to carry out these efforts. But if Jesus’ people are really just a circle of friends and if we are trying to break the clergy/laity dichotomy, then why not spread these responsibilities around. Lay people can learn how to do both. In some churches this is already happening.

In the most distinct way, church administration involves the pastor as a kind of CEO, head of a multi-staff arrangement, and the occupant of the desk where the buck stops. Someone has to be in charge, or so we think. But the emerging idea is that of a consensus arrangement where a lot of church leadership is done by a body elected by the congregation. Yes, the pastor may still need to write correspondence, see that the office is well organized and functioning, be sure that deadlines are met and meetings accomplish what they should. But lay folk can do a lot of this. The arrangement in my faith community is that of a church cabinet, composed of the chairs of various boards. They deal with business matters of the church and present them to the congregation for approval. Other churches have sessions or some organized arrangement that helps facilitate business matters. If laity can carry more of this load, it frees the pastor (and other associates) to spend time on other responsibilities, i.e. study, sermon preparation, and the other major responsibility; namely, pastoral care.

Pastoral Care involves hospital visitation, in-home and shut-in visits, nursing home visits, counseling, listening, encouraging, grief ministry and the general overall shepherding of the congregation. In ancient times it was referred to as the care of souls. Most pastors are trained for such and most congregations seem to expect it. The joke is that some pastors are just that; “great pastors”, but they can’t preach worth a lick. For others, the reverse is true. It is difficult, especially in larger congregations, for one or two people to cover all that may be needed in the care of souls.

Why should not more and more church members be involved in this kind of care? They can be trained for such and this could be an educational component in the church itself. Let those who know train those who would learn. If it is best to go in teams, then let folk go two by two as Jesus instructed his own disciples.

Many churches follow an effective schedule of providing meals following a hospitalization or a death. I see this as a vital and important service. But there could be more.

I received a call one evening about someone who had just died in the hospital. I dropped what I was doing and sped quickly to the site. When I arrived, I found two women who had beaten me there. They were standing in the room with family members or outside in the hallway. They both knew the family and their quick presence brought a sense of comfort that I, with my pastoral training, could probably not have brought. They were there not because they were expected or because they were “paid” to do such, but because they cared and wanted to somehow flesh out that concern. It was a beautiful sight to behold.

Administration and care do not have to have the professional title “Pastoral” in descriptive form in order for it to be effective. People, with their own set of gifts, can bring a touch to ministry situations that can be lasting.

Something I read one time about “Love one another” and “bear one another’s burdens.” No reference at all to it having to be done by the preacher.

Does God Suffer?

In January, 1983, Alex Coffin, son of William Sloane Coffin, Jr. was killed in an auto accident in Boston. By his father’s own admission, Alex had probably tossed back a few too many suds at the local bar, drove his vehicle into an area that had no warning sign on a foggy evening and ran off the end of the pier that had no guard rail. At that time, William Coffin was Senior Minister of the Riverside Church in New York City. Ten days after the accident, Coffin returned to the pulpit and preached a sermon entitled “Alex’s death.” In the sermon he said, “My own consolation lies in knowing that it was not the will of God that Alex die; that when the water closed over the sinking car, God’s heart was the first of all our hearts to break.”

Does God’s heart break? Does God “feel” with us in our suffering?

Everyone has the hour of trial and we all, sooner or later, journey through the valley of the shadow of death. Some things happen to human beings and the earth that are simply inexplicable and occasionally the happening is so horrific as to be indescribable. We simply cannot rationally work our way through it. I would hope that we could say with Coffin that such is not God’s will; that God does not desire this way for any of us. But bad things do happen to both good and bad people, and the end result is truly that of broken hearts. Some folk seem to experience more pain than others. “Why? “Is one of those questions that is interesting for philosophical debate on our good days, but for which there is no reasonable answer. But suffering will eventually catch us all.

We don’t do suffering very well. Often we will ask, “Why me?” We may grieve, assign blame, or feel guilty, but we most likely will do everything within our power to flee the pain. The result may be near clinical depression or medicating ourselves with mind-numbing substances. “Where was God?” may become the cry of the moment. Did God turn a back to us? Does God even care?

Some will speak of the impossibility of the suffering God. In speaking of God as divine, the idea would be that this One cannot know the passion of the human heart. Impassability is the word used to describe the inability of God to feel pain or know suffering. But another technical word has now made its way into the lexicon; namely, theopaschism. This is the thought that God, indeed, does suffer with us. The theoposchite position, once considered heresy, is now considered, by some, as orthodox.

I take my position with those who say that God does suffer with us. Maybe it is just wishful thinking on my part; hoping that God feels our pain. But if we are going to delete this concept from our thinking, then what will we do with the ideas that God loves….that God shows mercy….that God forgives……that God will never leave nor forsake us? All very meaningful human qualities and passions that are used to describe God. I cannot imagine a love, any love that does not experience pain when the object of one’s love suffers.

Guilt and Grace

What is the purpose of the church at its most basic, grass-roots level? Regardless of how the local congregation is organized and functioning, what is its reason-for-being? Several answers might quickly follow. Is its purpose evangelistic, reaching out to others and bringing them into the fold (a particular kind of fold, no doubt)? Does it exist for the purpose of worship; gathering to sing, pray, hear the scripture and sermon, participate in communion? Is it to be a voice in the world, prophetically speaking truth to power? Is its purpose the nurturing “care of souls” of its members?

All of the above answers could reasonably be accepted as valid. I have probably lived close to them all at one time or another. Individuals probably have their own favorite idea and hold onto it tightly. I am no different.

For me, the purpose of the church is to be a repository of grace which is released in all kinds of ways into the world.

I will define grace in its usual way: unmerited favor or application of unconditional love. Paul Tillich’s statement works for me: “Accept that you are accepted.” No strings, no obstacles, NOTHING. Just accepted. Totally.

I’m not sure the church has a sterling record of proclaiming and living such acceptance. We speak of grace, but we live (or at least expect others to) as though we are totally under law. One must do something: behave, keep the rules, obey commandments, be orthodox in thinking and belief, keep oneself clean and unstained from the world (and if you can’t do that, at least don’t get caught). We do not have a history replete with the truly developed purpose of preaching grace. Much of what we state is really bad news. Get right with God (which is always meant to coincide with the belief system of the one making the statement)…..or else. There is almost a sense of unmasked glee as we announce that some will be “left behind” or left out. In lieu of good news, we moralize. The church has a long history of thinking it is at its best when it tells folk to shape up…..or else.

The end result is a whole load of guilt………..more than most of us are able to bear.

I frequently call to mind the words of the sage, Garrison Keillor: “Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving.” And indeed it does. We want to be as white as driven snow, we can’t stand being guilty, yet we are all but crushed under its weight.

Or perhaps instead of always being truly guilty, we just wear what others have put on us and it becomes instead guilt “feelings.” We feel guilty. About everything. And if we try to ignore, there are still daily reminders, behind someone’s wagging finger, stating that we are not doing right. Images come to mind of nuns slapping the hands of students with rules, trying to instill truth and beauty in them, all the while exposing their badness...or a Pope, who presides over a Church that refuses to examine itself, scolds our President (and others) because of a particular stance on abortion, all the while covering up its massive sense of pedophilia and sexual abuse. Or the TV soul molester who, with red face, warns about the temperature of hell if one does not repent (read that as believe his way. And yes, it is almost always HIS way), spends unfathomable time talking about the after-life, fulfilled prophecy, and ignoring daily life experiences, here and now. Or the person, be they in pulpit or pew, who deep down is so unhappy with self, that the only way to handle it is to blame or put down someone else. Rigid, unbending, unloving, defensive, and frightened. This is often the legacy of the church as she tries to flesh out her purpose. But even as this happens…..grace still awaits, with open arms.
Though we may all carry unnecessary guilt feelings, we are all guilty of something, at different points in time. Grace is for us.

Maybe I’m wrong. Some might cry “cheap grace.” But how much does grace cost? How much is an ounce of grace worth? If you can put a price on it, then it’s not grace and maybe we ought to go back to selling it. Or have we?

Yes, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe these ideas that I lash out against are true. But if they are, we are going to have to find another word for our predicament. If this kind of love is not acceptance of all of us…..all of the time…regardless, then it may be something. But it’s not grace.